[Not So] Caféine-intoxiqué..

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I need to get some things out.
I'm not blaming anyone, it's just easier to blame someone. But I can't find anyone who's perfect enough, so I'm left with nothing but guilt-ridden self.
I can't blame you for having a bad life. You didn't make it bad, it just sometimes is, right? You've told me that before.
But yeah, it wouldn't have hurt that much if you actually told me.

And no, to anyone who's reading this, it's not what you think.

But, regarding that. That of what I think you're thinking.
Suffice to say, I don't know what to feel. Is that even possibly? Not knowing what to feel? I'm glad emotions exist, regardless whether it's painful or not, the real pain lies in being a complete void.
I feel like a hypocrite, making fun and laughing about my brother's death. Am I just deluded by the fact that he's still with me. With us? Is it even true?
I just need affirmation.
Affirmation that everything's gonna be okay.
That nothing has changed
That I can still go into his room without feeling like something's missing
when nothing is.
Nothing has left, right?

The 4oth day
the 40th goodbye.
And the 1st beginning.

Ezzrriiieeeeee worded out at 12:05 AM

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