[Not So] Caféine-intoxiqué..
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hedonism

Note : If you are in a euphoric state or have recently gotten engaged or married, please do not read. If you are sick of me babbling endlessly about how much life sucks, please press Alt+F4 and be out your way. If you are a self-proclaimed awesome being, gtfo, and if you are someone with a Messiah-complex, stfu&gtfo.
Have I made myself clear?

Well then.

I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed I'm not pissed

Like hell I'm not.

Grr.
Plans, ruined. The usual circumstances. The burning urge to say something very sarcastic for a certain someone to see is clawing my insides but I've decided that my blogpost is not worth an ungrateful hypocrite. So fudgecake you.
How contradictory.

Oh but Jill, I still love you, sayang. Good luck coping ;)

And the questions never stop.

"So, Ezz, what are you doing for the holidays?

Holidays? I've been planning on dressing up like a horseradish and rolling over the sand...wait..WHAT HOLIDAYS? Sorry, but I never noticed if was the holidays already, I've been too busy parading in self pity, hell, I didn't even notice I was still alive.
Either that or I'm wrecking homes on Sims 3.

As you can see, the bloglady is incredibly pissed right now. Mainly pissed, no, FULLY pissed with herself.

Honestly, I can't tell you how much of a fudgecaking idiot I am. Snap your damn self out of it, you moron. I don't care if it's gonna be 4 months or 40 million hours. Just snap smack yourself out of it. You tell yourself you're gonna be okay, and then you go post barely comprehensible bullcrap on your blog showcasing what a self-contradicting nut you were from the very beginning. For Chrissake, what the hell is wrong with me? Look, if I'm fine, I'm fine. If I'm not, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF PRACTICALLY MARINADING YOURSELF IN DEPRESSION, YOU JACKHOLE.. Woe is me and if depression was a pasta sauce, I'd be one that expired 10 years ago.. Bad, bad sauce. That doesn't make sense, but like hell anything does right now.

I really need to get out of this mess I've set myself in. It's not worth my time but I'm in it anyways. I don't know why, and I wish I did so I could just solve the unsolvable but no, I can't because I'm not capable. It doesn't make much sense anymore but I'm not gonna care.
I'm just not going to care anymore, okay?
Say it with me now, EZZ IS NOT GOING TO GIVE A BURNING RAT'S REAR END ANYMORE.

Look, I'm over the fact that my brother's dead, alright? I've learned to accept it, I've swallowed the ice, I've cried the tears, bled out the sodium chloride couldn't resist xD and now I'm done. I'm done with it. I need to learn to enjoy every stinking minute I'm living in this goddamn world and stop being so dismal. That and I need to be stop being such a depressed, pain in the arse.
If regaining my composure means having to do 400+ hours of social work in Myanmar or Ethiopia, then bring it on. I'm willing to do it.

I can never ever replace my brother and tbh, no amount of happiness can. I won't subvert the fact that I miss him like hell and as each day passes, there's nothing in the world I want more than to die just so that I can see him again. It's a risk I'm willing to to take. And there are times when I doubt God and his ways.. I mean who knows? I might never be able to see my brother again, right? But maybe, just maybe, doubt IS a good thing for me after all. It keeps you sane, it keeps you hopeful, and most of all, in a [probable] long run, it seals your faith. Till the end.

Who wouldn't want that? ;)

Ezzrriiieeeeee worded out at 12:35 AM

0 page[s] turned..Fudgecake?!